An acquaintance of mine recently had a bad art experience. She is extremely knowledgeable about art history and has visited many major art museums here and abroad. My friend is also an elementary school teacher who incorporates exciting art projects into her lesson plans. It is always a delight when I teach in her classroom.

Her problem began when her husband’s company decided to have an employee party for fun and bonding. Being a good partner, she went with her spouse to the “art studio” where the party was to be held. These entertainment venues are spreading like spilled paint all over America. The concept is to be in a group, drink enough wine to feel relaxed and then play with the provided paints and canvases.

The facilitator (I refuse to use the word teacher) began by telling everyone to copy the picture she was holding up, a saccharine beach scene. It never occurred to my art loving friend that she couldn’t choose her own colors, alter the composition and paint in her own style; in other words, create an original work of art.

The leader was extremely unhappy with this display of originality and made her displeasure known.

Surprised that this art studio had nothing to do with art, my friend asked what the couples would do with the two absolutely identical paintings they would be taking home. In my opinion, a fair question, but not a good one for her husband’s career advancement. Good team players are to make copycat paintings and then regale in their new found inner artist.

The art czar’s response was that the second painting would “make a lovely present for a friend or relative”.

In the real world, an artist is a creative person who works to find unique solutions and perspectives. And becoming an artist involves years of study and hard work like every other worthwhile thing in life.

If you want to be an artist, take classes from an art center or from an artist. Then go out for wine after class. Or if you just want to have fun, buy some paints and canvases and invite your friends over.

Samuel Clemens, a.k.a. Mark Twain, has been popping up in book reviews lately. Not bad for an old riverboat pilot, silver miner, typesetter and writer who has been dead for over 107 years.

Born in Florida, Missouri, in 1835, Twain was witness to an incredible chunk of American history including the Civil War, Reconstruction, Industrial Revolution and Imperialism. Being an acute observer of human nature, he did not hold back from biting commentary on all of the above.

Stephen Kinzer in his recent book, The True Flag, awards Twain the honor of being the greatest nemesis to Theodore Roosevelt and his fellow imperialists. He records Twain’s total condemnation of America and Europe’s efforts to carve out and pillage the non-Western world and sites this quotation from a 1901 Twain essay as proof:

“And as for a flag for the Philippine Province, it is easily managed. We can have a special one- the states do it: We can have just our usual flag, with the stripes painted black and the stars replaced with skulls and crossbones.”

Another new book reveals a completely different side of Twain. Every night he told his girls a bedtime story. Twain writes in his journal of his daughters demanding he make up a story on the spot and handing him a visual clue as a prompt. He notes,”They were a difficult and exacting audience – those little creatures. The stories had to be absolutely original and fresh.”

In 2011, a literary scholar unearthed a sixteen page, unfinished manuscript of the only fairy tale that Twain ever wrote down. It has the improbable title, Oleomargarine, and is about a poor boy who eats a magic flower that enables him to talk to animals. Doubleday Books hired a children’s author to complete the story, and The Purloining of Prince Oleomargarine will be released this fall.

A reincarnation of Mark Twain would be most welcome at this insane moment in American history. Fortunately, he has left us volumes of his pithy words and wit. Here is one of his remarks that is wildly appropriate for this moment:

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

Michael Perry in his new book, Roughneck Grace, calls our Wisconsin springs “this brief season of abeyance between snowmelt and leaf-sprout.” He also adds “the season of rediscovery.” The last is not a profound statement. He’s referring to the items that turn up when the snow piles melt…..like the lost earring I found last week.

Personally, I define our spring with the words fickle and fortitude. We get all euphoric when a fifty degree day rolls around and shed our layers of clothing and fears that winter is without end. A day later the thermometer is fifty degrees lower and a big snowstorm blows in. In a few hours we are back to living in a world of white. This requires intense attitude adjustment and more cash to pay the snowplow guy.

I find that a list of don’ts is helpful in coping with this schizophrenic season. Here are a few of mine:

• Don’t put the large soup kettle away.
• Don’t take the winter boots to the shoemaker for new heels just yet. Sandals in snow is a poor option.
• Don’t run the car through the car wash. ( Note that I learned this the hard way. Last week the skies were clear when I entered the wash and filled with snow when I excited.)
• Don’t leave home in a spring jacket without a winter coat in the back seat.
• Don’t start any cute little tomato plants in pots on the windowsills. They will produce tomatoes before they will be able to survive outside.
• Don’t go into the garage without waders on. Half of the gravel driveway and a ton of slush have migrated into there.

People who live in tropical regions have none of these concerns. Every day resembles the one before it….a lot of sun, some rain, more sun, warmth, flowers blooming, butterflies flitting and almost equal night and darkness. But there is one thing they will never experience, and that is the total sense of absolute joy when the first true spring day arrives and we realize we’ve made it through another winter.

I walked into one of my favorite public school classrooms last week, and half the floor space was off limits. Since there are 42 children in this class, losing 50% of the floor is a big deal. But as soon as I saw why the floor had been repurposed, I was elated. The floor had become a giant map of the students’ town.

I am a firm believer that everyone should know where they live. This is not a ludicrous statement. These days, many children who are bused or driven to school are unable to find their way home via their own feet…..and this applies to some middle school and high school students as well.

Two amazing teachers masterminded this social studies project on community for their students ages six, seven and eight. They used Google Earth to map the streets and print photos of all the commercial and public buildings. Using the photos as reference, the students made 3D models. There is an ongoing emphasis on observational skills in this classroom, and it has paid off. The details and accuracy of these mini buildings is phenomenal. Then each child made an equally realistic model of his or her house.

I made a return trip to the school to see the completed project. Welcome to Shorewood, Wisconsin, a one square mile Village between the shores of Lake Michigan and the Milwaukee River.

Bravo to these creative teachers who have given their class a true understanding and love of their home town. Who knows, maybe someday one of these kids will be a city planner.

My husband’s second home is Fleet Farm. Despite trying to cut back on his visits to this big farm supply and general store, he still does Fleet Farm runs several times a week. This is a natural occurrence when you have a herd of cats, an animal café in your yard and a house. Animals always need food and houses always need repairs.

He often makes the trip alone, but I sometimes tag along. I like the farm store. I am never tempted to buy anything that is not on our list. Everything in the store is either utilitarian or ugly.

When we go through the checkout, our two carts are heaped with huge sacks of bird seeds, cracked corn, cat food, kitty litter, dog food, salt and assorted hardware. The clerk looks at our carts and asks, “Is this for farm or home use?” We could save a fortune in taxes by saying “farm”, but we always smile and say “home”.

I came home from work recently and my husband said, “I had a funny trip to Fleet Farm today. I was in the checkout lane four times in ten minutes.”

“How could you possibly do that?” was my reply. His answer was a bit hard to follow, but here goes.

The first time he went to check out he THOUGHT  he heard the cashier tell the customer in front of him that there was $10 off on purchases of $75 or more. He proceeds to back out of the lane, park his cart, get a second cart, get more animal food and return to the checkout lane with his two carts and $75 dollars worth of purchases. But this time he hears the cashier say to the customer in front of him that everyone who purchases anything in the store today gets a $10 dollar off coupon for the NEXT purchase of $75. My husband now has two carts with $75 dollars worth of stuff and NO COUPON.

He backs his two carts out of the lane and parks them. He gets a third cart, hefts in one bag of bird seed, gets back in line, pays for the seed, gets his coupon and takes the one bag of seeds to the car. He returns, retrieves his remaining two carts, gets back in line and redeems his coupon……..plus, the cashier hands him another $10 off coupon on his next $75 purchase.

It’s a good day when your farm store gives you an incredibly better return on your money than your bank does.