Unique, absurd, funny and decadent are the best words to describe one of my birthday presents this year.

My son presented me with a tiny little rectangle. It was about the size of the bars of soap in hotel rooms. To be exact, the carefully wrapped gift measured 3 x 1 1/2 x 1/2 inches. I’m usually good at guessing gifts, but this one had me flummoxed.

“I bought this to make you laugh,” he said. And he was exactly right, the present was laughable. It was a block of cheese.

Our son had gone to his local Whole Foods Market (a.k.a. Whole Paycheck) in San Diego to get a bottle of wine. By chance, he came across a display consisting entirely of Lilliputian blocks of cheese. When he read the price per pound, he did a double-take. Wanting to share the sheer absurdity of this with me, he figured that, ironically, he should buy it. The reality of the minuscule cheese in my hand would be better than any description of it.

There’s a back story to this story. Every time he and many other of our friends visit, we go to our local dairy and cheese factory. From the hundred varieties of cheese they offer, our favorite is their 16 year aged cheddar. We have always thought it to be expensive, a true treat. Turns out we were wrong. It’s a fantastic bargain…and we get an extra year of aging.

The question that begs to be asked is, “Why would anyone pay $94.99 a pound for a sliver of cheese that couldn’t even make a grilled cheese sandwich?”

I can’t answer that one, but I do know that this country of ours is getting crazier by the moment.

P.S. – My big block of cheddar, when grated, was enough for two large quiches and two casseroles of Mac & cheese.

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“It’s my birthday, and I can do whatever I want” is a mantra that both my husband and I subscribe to…within reason. For example, I probably shouldn’t go to Paris for a day or adopt five adorable kittens from the animal shelter.

About thirty years ago, with our children grown and our budget in reasonable shape, I thought seriously about what I wanted to make my day special. I didn’t have to think long. The best present would be to be warm. I wanted to walk out the door, sans coat, and see palm trees.

Being a New Year’s Eve baby and a lifelong Wisconsin resident, I can count on having snow, ice, frigid temperatures or all three for my birthday weather. My mother loved to recount how she bundled me up on my second birthday and put me on a sled during a snowfall to go to the grocery store for ice cream.

Fortuitously, I have family and friends in both San Diego and Tucson. For many decades I’ve got not only the gift of warmth but also loving people with whom I can share my cake. There has been only one year when there were no palm trees. That was in 1999 when my husband was too fearful of plane travel. Like all computer programmers who worked in the 70, 80 and 90s, he was not sure all those computer programs could handle a new millennium.

By some miracle, the planes did not all fall out of the skies and computer Armageddon did not occur. We had a big, winter bonfire on the beach that momentous night. Not bad, but palm trees would have been better.

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I’ve constructed a little wordplay to start 2022. It’s archaic.

As the New Year begins, let’s leave behind panic, pandemonium, chaos and fury. Lethargy, narcissism and phobias will be things of the past.

Instead, we will pack an atlas and head to Europe where we’ll listen to music while dining on nectar, ambrosia and cereal. For our mental hygiene, we can be mentored in psychology, succumb to hypnosis and entertain erotic fantasies. 

Good fortune will reign and the world will be brighter. Even the flora and fauna will be iridescent. How jovial it will be!

A New Year may be about to start, but the past lives on in the present. This story is brought to you by the Greek and Roman gods and goddesses and their entourage. Here’s the complete cast of characters and references.

• Panic and pandemonium – Pan was the god who stirred up confusion and fear.
• Chaos – Comes from the Greek myth of Khaos, the void from which all life sprang.
• Fury – The furies were the goddesses of vengeance.
• Lethargy – In Greek mythology, the River Lethe in the underworld was “the river of forgetfulness”.
• Narcissism – Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection.
• Phobia – The Greek god of fear.
• Atlas – Atlas was a Titan who carried the world on his shoulders.
• Europe – Europa was a beautiful princess who Zeus fell in love with.
• Music – Named for the Muses, the goddesses of art and science.
• Nectar and Ambrosia – The food and drink of the gods.
• Cereal – Ceres was the Roman goddess of agriculture.
• Hygiene – The Greek goddess of health and cleanliness was Hygieia.
• Mentor – Odysseus entrusted his son’s education to a man named Mentor.
• Psychology – Psyche was the Greek goddess of the soul.
• Hypnosis – Derived from Hypnos, the Greek god of sleep.
• Erotic – Eros was the Greek god of love and desire.
• Fortune – The Roman goddess of chance was Fortuna.
• Flora and Fauna – The Roman goddess of flowers was Flora. Fauna was a minor Roman goddess whose brother Faunus was the Roman equivalent of Pan.
• Iridescent – Comes from Iris, the Greek goddess of the rainbow.
• Jovial – From Jove, the chief Roman God also known as Jupiter.

May your New Year echo* with love and laughter.

*Echo, the Greek mountain nymph who was deprived of her speech, except to repeat the last words of another.

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Every December for over 30 years, I have done a program called “Festival of Lights” which highlights beautiful holiday traditions worldwide. All people seem to crave lights and the brightness of smiles to break through the winter gloom.

Many individuals and families have shared their unique traditions with me, plus I have done extensive research. My files are overflowing. But the latest tradition I recently discovered is so bizarre it made me laugh out loud when I read about it. So what is this extremely popular Christmas tradition? It’s none other than Donald Duck.

In Sweden at 3:00 PM on December 24, half of the entire population will be glued to their televisions for one hour. They all will be watching the same program, a 1958 Christmas special from Walt Disney, “From All of Us to All of You”. In Sweden it is called, “Kalle Anka och hans vänner önskar God Jul”. That translates to “Donald Duck and His Friends Wish You a Merry Christmas”.

It all started in 1959 when TV was new and Sweden only had one channel. No other American cartoons were aired at that time. The Swedish population was enchanted by Disney and has remained so every year since. This mass viewing is thoroughly ingrained in Swedish culture and is honored with a display in Stockholm”s Nordic Museum.

“Kalle Anka” consists of Jiminy Cricket presenting “Silly Symphony” shorts and clips from Disney classics like Snow White, Cinderella, Bambi and the Jungle Book. Each year, one new snippet from a current Disney movie is aired, but the show is essentially a nostalgia trip on steroids.

The Swedish people take “Kalle Anka” seriously. Several attempts by the network to cancel the show (mostly because of excessive violence in the cartoons) have been met with public outrage. The viewing time is so sacred that a curator at the Nordic Museum states, “at 3:00 in the afternoon, you can’t do anything else, because Sweden is closed”.

I am a believer in traditions, even crazy ones such as this. Whenever a nation comes together for one happy event, that’s a good thing. The man who gives Jiminy Cricket his Swedish voice says, “like a fairytale when we were kids, there’s something familiar. Kalle Anka offers security in a confusing world”.

Who doesn’t need that at this moment?

The Swedish version of this would be more fun, but Disney blocks the copyrighted rebroadcasts of Kalle Anka on Christmas Eve to American viewers… as far as I and my computer guru can determine. If you can find the Swedish version that can be shared, let me know.

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The New York Times recently ran an editorial piece entitled “The Joy of Buying Nothing New for the Holidays”. In it, Vermont journalist, Annelies Griffins, presents numerous ways to get gifts from thrift and resale shops, used book and antique stores, plus swap tables and white elephant exchanges. She is careful to note that, “this is not about being a Grinch, canceling Christmas or trying to pass a minimalist purity test.” Rather, it is about being kind to the planet by moving recycled consumer goods around in one city as opposed to transporting new, manufactured items around the globe.

As my family and friends know, I heartily concur with this sentiment. Gifts do not have to be new. But they should be filled with thought.

Ever since I was a child, I have loved giving presents. Going to the dime store with my small allowance, I perused the crowded aisles trying to find the perfect purchase for everyone in my family. When my funds were depleted, I made presents such as a clay “snowball” candle holder for my mother. In retrospect, I’m sure my mom liked that lopsided snowball better than the tiny bottles of Blue Waltz dime store perfume that I often bought her.

As an adult, I am still thrilled when I spot the ultimate present in a thrift store and cannot wait to see the recipient open it. Has my guess been correct?

I am not able, however, to give only recycled items. Two categories of new gifts are high on my radar screen. The first is the beautiful work created by artists and craftspeople. Many of my friends are creators and they need to make a living. I am delighted to be their customer.

The second group of new gifts is FOOD, the gift that doesn’t have to be dusted, just enjoyed. I love baking Christmas cookies to give away as gifts and I equally enjoy getting homemade soups and other edible treats as presents. One of my favorites was the homemade caramel corn I received as a teacher gift every year from one of the kid’s mothers. That was 36 years ago and I still remember awaiting and eating it with pure bliss. No caramel corn will ever match hers.

It’s not the Black Friday or mall crawl merchandise that makes memories. It’s the gifts that are the result of careful thought, work or both that resonate. May you get many of these insightful gifts.

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