I have the perfect post office. Being a person who loves mail, this is a fortunate circumstance.

My post office is the size of a stamp. Not many of us postal patrons can fit in the lobby at one time; fortunately, there aren’t many people in Cleveland, WI 53015, and we just don’t choose to go to the post office all at the same time.

I’m sure the average New Yorker, or any big city dweller, would give a week’s wages to have a post office like mine. Even at Christmas, we never have to wait in long lines. Granted, we might encounter a neighbor or two, but standing forever in a queue of grumpy strangers just doesn’t happen here. The situation is akin to having your own personal post office.

One glitch did present itself when we first moved up here. I ran over to the post office around noon to mail a letter and found the doors locked. The postmaster had gone home for lunch. The postmaster goes home for lunch every day, a real anachronism in today’s America. I might apply for this job.

Naturally, blessings like an incredible post office don’t come without responsibilities. Little P.Os live or die based on the volume of mail they process. You will be getting snail mail from me frequently. I must do my part and keep the mail flowing at 53015. Hundreds and hundreds of Valentine, Easter, Halloween, Christmas and birthday cards are among my outgoing contributions. My twenty-three magazine subscriptions insure the incoming flow.

I can only think of one feature my post office lacks. (Anyone who has read Rita Mae Brown’s charming mysteries, ghost written by her brown tabby cat, Mrs. Murphy, will know what’s coming.) My post office doesn’t have a resident cat or dog.

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I was coming home from work last week, driving through Green Bay, when a van pulled in front of me. The back window of the van was covered with a film of dirt. Written in the dirt was the following message:

The plates on the van were from Washington state.

I’m sure that many of us have taken road trips that could have benefited from similar, large infusions of humor.

One of my more memorable trips started out calmly. I had just finished school in June, summer days lay ahead, and my husband and I were setting off on a road trip to NY City to visit our daughter and her husband.

I was happily driving through Pennsylvania, relaxed and carefree. My husband was napping. Then, as I paid another toll on the Pennsylvania turnpike, a small voice whispered in my head, “There are no tolls on the road to New York City.” I pulled over at the next rest stop, woke up my husband and announced that I had made a rather major navigational error. Apparently I thought I could get to NYC on automatic pilot. I was actually well on the way to Washington D.C.

Moments like these can be the beginning of the end to a marriage. But my husband had the best possible response – he started laughing. Soon we were both laughing so hard we could hardly read the road map. The map revealed I had gone 130 miles on the wrong road. To get back north again the route went through Hershey, Pennsylvania. Who can’t be happy in a town that smells of chocolate and has street lights shaped like Hershey Kisses? We even hit the Holland Tunnel by 6:30 that night.

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It’s not easy sleeping with a 26 pound cat. The space Gato takes up in our bed is exponential.

Why do we share our bed with this feline behemoth, when we have an array of less obese cats to choose from?

The answer lies in Gato’s new diet. Gato is one miserable cat. The least we can do is let him enjoy his favorite space, our bed.

His troubles began a few weeks ago when our vet gave Gato an ultimatum. Note, I did not say the vet gave us the ultimatum. The vet and we have been working hard for years to control this cat’s diet… to no avail. So Gato was told directly – lose pounds or be diabetic.

“You’re going to be eating in your own private room”, the vet told Gato, “and you’ll get one can of fat-be-gone cat food per day. Don’t plan on helping yourself to your friends’ food dishes, either, because there will be no more open dish feeding at your house.”

The trip back from the vets was uncharacteristically quiet. Gato got home and threw himself on the bed.

At this point I cannot report any dramatic diminishment of Gato’s girth. I can say though that we are having a bit of difficulty watching Netflix on our tiny PC after turning in for the night. Gato is slightly larger than the dimensions of the screen.

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The hot item on President Bush’s European trip last week was the chicken washing issue. The European Union is in a flap about our method of washing chickens (dead ones, I presume) in chemicals. This news item instantly brought back happy memories for me.

One of my favorite jobs was being the “Children’s Programmer” for a library. I got to create or choose all the programs for the kids. Without a doubt, the best and most popular program I ever dreamed up was the chicken washing program.

At that time my friend, Donna, was the poultry Superintendent for the Wisconsin State Fair. She was on a one woman crusade to educate urban children that the fair was more than the midway and endless junk food.

One day Donna was telling me how the 4H kids get their chickens ready for the prize judging, when, presto, an idea clicked in my brain. Why not invite the 4H kids to the library to do a summer program on how they groomed their animals for the fair?

I might note that for space reasons we did all our library programs in the City Hall basement. The looks on the aldermen’s faces were priceless when the chickens began arriving at city hall with their proud owners, water buckets, shampoo and blow driers.

The 4H kids were true pros at chicken wrangling. Our kids were mightily impressed with the knowledge and poise of their country counterparts. A few of our city kids even realized that there were interesting worlds they knew nothing about. And, we got through the entire afternoon with no wayward chickens ending up in the Council Chamber… at least, none of the avian variety.

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Patience was on sale the other day at my Goodwill Store. This “patience” consisted of 4 inch tall wooden letters P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E mounted upright on a wooden board. Apparently someone had given up on patience.

I’m not surprised. The virtues in America have been shifting around. When I was a kid, patience was a virtue and greed wasn’t. Now greed is the virtue (as in “be patriotic, go shopping”) and patience is relegated to thrift stores.

I am old fashioned enough to think that patience is still worthwhile. And I’m also introspective enough to know when I have it and when I don’t.

My patience is endless for listening to my very elderly friends in nursing homes repeat the same stories scores of times. An interesting phenomenon happens when you hear a story many times… in a way it becomes yours, too.

So I can tell you about Mrs. B’s amazing barn cat who actually dipped its paw into the bowl of mushed up bread and milk and daintily ate with its paw – just like a person.

Unfortunately, my patience checks out instantly when I see a recipe with more than 8 ingredients. I do love to cook, but I’m the queen of quick in the kitchen. I am delighted, however, that other people actually have the forbearance to make the recipes in Gourmet Magazine. I promise endless praise and appreciation to anyone who invites me to dine on the results of these intricate recipes.

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