The Suitcase Lady


December 2, 2014, 9:42 pm

Pulling into the car wash the other day, I was behind an Armada. No, not a fleet of mercenary Spanish warships, this Armada was a towering vehicle with one occupant.

The Armada had the super, deluxe, extra car wash which meant that I had plenty of time to think about the names car models are given, names which pander to our various desires. None of these desires are even remotely automotive.

For those seeking to dazzle the world with their wealth and exclusivity, the industry offers the Regal, Enclave, Legacy, Impreza and Escalade. The later, no doubt, helps the buyer escalate to even higher levels of status.

The auto makers also market to environmentalists. Tree huggers get vehicles with short, often literal names. So head for a Spark, Volt, Cube or Leaf if you are feeling green.

Folks who have an inner cowboy or John Wayne complex are in luck as well.  They can take their pick from the Colorado, Tucson, Santa Fe, Tahoe or Sedona. These metal beasts are perfect for hauling home a few steers from the local grocery store.

My husband comes from a Ford loving family and we have had our share of Henry’s cars. The Ford marketers try to brand their customers by throwing a flurry of “F’s” around…….Flex, Fiesta, Festiva, Focus, Fusion, Fairlane and Falcon. Note that I did not marry my husband because he was driving a white Fairlane convertible the night I meet him.

Our personal car history also includes my husband’s two most beautiful cars with the two most idiotic names, a Chevy Beretta and a Ford Probe.

I drive Rabbits, Accents and cars with small numbers like my Mazda 323. These are practical, unassuming cars with absolutely no cachet. Everything preys on a rabbit.

I’ve saved my all time favorite ridiculous car name for last. The first time I was driving behind a car that proclaimed itself to be a Juke, I blurted out to my husband, “How could anyone be paid a jillion dollars to come up with a name that rhymes with “puke”?


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