The Suitcase Lady


August 10, 2008, 2:01 pm

Is the opposite of a marathon a slowathon? If so, sign me up.

I don’t understand triathlons, weight lifting, channel swimming, mountain scaling or the Tour de France. The only yellow jersey I will ever wear will be one of cowardice. I have no desire to beat my body to a pulp to achieve an adrenaline induced state of nirvana. I’m saving my adrenaline for dangerous situations that come uninvited.

When I first heard the term “sports medicine” I thought someone was joking. My second grade health book told me the purpose of sports was to build a “healthy body and mind”. Now a billion dollar a year sports medicine industry exists to repair torn ligaments, ripped muscles and ravaged joints.

When asked why he climbed Mt. Everest, a famous mountain climber stated, “Because it is there.”

My problem is I know the mountain will be there whether I climb it or not. Nor will I be more “there” if I climb it. What I might very possibly be, however, is injured, maimed or dead, no jolly outcomes from my vantage point.

This kind of thinking is not going to make me rich or famous, America’s most prized cultural values. But I will have plenty of time for long strolls on the beach. That’s my idea of a splendid slowathon.

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