The Suitcase Lady


January 19, 2016, 9:30 pm

To paraphrase Garrison Keillor, it’s been a quiet week in the Town of Centerville, my home town. We’ve been in the deep, deep freeze here, with intermittent snow storms. Fortunately, our mail box and those of our neighbors down the road are all still standing. Not a winter goes by that our NASCAR-loving plow driver doesn’t score a few, and it’s no fun trying to get a new post into the frozen tundra.

One of our favorite neighbors stopped over for a “ten minute visit” the other day and stayed for two hours. That’s how things work around here and we like it that way. If we don’t have time for our friends, what is time for?

In those two hours we got filled in on all the local news. It seems that a fish got stuck in Farmer D’s mailbox. The fish was not from our Lake Michigan, but a salmon from the Pacific. The predicament can be traced back to a Fed Ex driver who delivered a Christmas present to our neighbor’s obviously unused side door last Christmas. (It is generally accepted around here that a 5 foot snow drift in front of a door indicates the door is out of service.)

The box was discovered during a brief thaw three weeks after Christmas, and its contents of Harry and David’s pears had mummified. A sign was then placed on the side door that read, “All deliveries should be put out front”.Salmon

So this holiday season a driver jammed a whole salmon into the front mailbox where it promptly froze solid. When Farmer D. tried to extract the box containing the fish it wouldn’t budge and a battle to free the fish ensued.

The missing kayaks were our contribution to the weekly news. We went down to the lake before the blizzard hit and noticed that our neighbors’ kayaks were missing. Then we noticed that the large tree to which they were securely chained and padlocked was also gone. Never underestimate the power of one of Mother Nature’s Nor’easters.

The good news is that we found the kayaks beached about a half mile down the shore. The bad news is they are frozen down. A rescue operation is planned for spring.


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