The Suitcase Lady


May 5, 2009, 11:07 pm

“Beware of health foods”, is an imperative I believe in.

A few decades ago a segment of the populace decided that food and medicine were synonymous. Ascribing medicinal powers to food turns eating into a trial instead of a sensual pleasure. Don’t most sane people know that medicine does and should taste terrible and food delectable?

I recently choose to eat at a “fresh, organic food” cafe when I needed breakfast in an airport. Trouble loomed when I looked at the menu. Hemp toast and egg white creations repeatedly turned up among the morning entrees.

Bear in mind that I paid attention in my 3rd grade geography classes when Sister Redemptora (her real name) told us that hemp is a product of tropical countries and that hemp is used to make rope. Therefore, I refuse to eat bread made out of rope.

“Healthy” bakeries also deserve some commentary. You need two pieces of equipment after bringing home a loaf from one of the “good for you” bakeries… a hacksaw and an Ace bandage. The hacksaw is to saw through the crust that has the texture of concrete. The Ace bandage gets wrapped around your wrist. Health breads are so dense you could break a wrist lifting a slice to your mouth. Since when should eating be punishment?

Here is my suggestion. Use health breads as weights and sling them up and down like barbells. You’ll burn up a few calories. Then head out to an aromatic, French bakery and consume a perfect baguette with butter. Bliss!

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