The Suitcase Lady


March 10, 2015, 9:27 pm

I now know how to determine if I am in an emergency situation…….I check out my local Waffle House. If it is closed, the world is ending.

Unfortunately, I do not have a local Waffle House. I live in one of the 25 states that is Waffle Houseless. Therefore, F.E.M.A. will not know that the tornado, flood, blizzard or earthquake has ravaged my community. I’m doomed.

Let me explain. A recent Marketplace Report on N.P.R. told how F.E.M.A. determines  the extent of a natural disaster in an area by checking on the status of the Waffle House restaurants. This southern based chain of 1,500 restaurants prides itself on 24/7 service to its customers, and they have excellent plans in place to stay open no matter what horrific event occurs. If they are forced to close, a disaster of major proportions has struck. I do not fault F.E.M.A. for taking cues from waffles: we should all learn from others who excel at what they do.

Don’t expect to eat a waffle if you take shelter in a Waffle House during a horrific storm. Their emergency menu will have kicked in. The waffles aren’t made as they take too much electricity to produce. Bacon is banished as well as it takes up too much grill space. However,  you will be fed and the lights will be on thanks to emergency generators.

I love road trips and have passed by the iconic Waffle Houses thousands of times. But since they look as lonely as the Edward Hopper painting “Nighthawks”, I’ve never stopped in. Now I plan on visiting one in tribute to their excellent preparedness skills. And besides, I checked out their menu online. They serve twelve different kinds of hash browns. I just won’t visit during an emergency.waffle


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